Conflict is a natural and inevitable experience in relationships because of our perfectly, imperfect emotions that make us human. How we handle these conflicts can either enhance passion and purpose or result in friction and frustration. Falling in love triggers a range of positive emotions that release endorphins like oxytocin (known as the cuddle hormone) and other chemicals that fill us with Joy, happiness and positivity. The honeymoon phase of a relationship is delightful for all, as Steve Perry eloquently sang it, "It feels so right, warm, and true." However, as time goes by, we transition from the euphoria to facing the realities of daily life, such as work schedules, finances, and disagreements arise over simple tasks like unloading the dishwasher. Without addressing and repairing what is at the root of these issues, relationships can spiral into a cycle of ongoing conflict. You may wonder what happened to my loving partner as the conflict builds, and your partner is wondering the same thing! All this conflict might have you thinking about flying the coop, but before you give up, know there are ways to tend and mend your relationship.
Attachment Styles and Relationship Dynamics
Conflict in relationships is like a rainstorm - it can either water the deepest roots of your love or uproot the entire tree! By addressing conflicts head-on and finding healthy resolutions, you can prevent your love story from withering on the vine. Understanding your attachment style is like having a map for your emotions. It helps you figure out why you react the way you do in conflicts and navigate out of the rapids and into calmer waters and thus, create a stronger bond with your partner.
Every human has experienced attachment wounds in life. Our wounds get triggered in relationships and we sometimes bathe in the experience of negative emotions getting caught in the muck of feeling unlovable, alone, angry and hopeless, if our emotions are left unresolved, they fester and we lash out or pull away. What we don't realize is how we make ourselves alone by pushing our partner away with blame, hoping something will change, or we pull away isolating and feeding our fears of unworthiness.
When attachment wounds are triggered, an anxious attachment style can turn you into a love-seeking missile, or an avoidant attachment style can make you hide like a hermit crab in a seashell, avoiding any form of emotional connection. It's like a bad TV rom-com where the main characters are blame and avoidance, and the plot just keeps getting lonelier and more unworthy by the minute. Of course, nobody wants to be the stars of that tragic rom-com. Instead, acknowledge your role in this emotional rollercoaster and work towards healing those attachment wounds by slowing down, listening, sharing needs without blame, and working hard to stay present and not retreat. Work on seeing conflict as an opportunity to grow! Focus on kindness and understanding, be vulnerable to offer an olive branch for peace and healing. You are enough! Because deep down, we all deserve a happy ending, not a sequel to "Loneliness Strikes Back: The Return of Unresolved Emotions." Okay, that's a bit silly, but you get the picture.
If you need support, contact Cynthia at info@cynthiacounseling.om. Cynthia offers online therapy for individuals and adults. Cynthia is thrilled to let you know about a new upcoming offering called "Love Renewal" created and led by Relationship Guru, Author, Teacher and Trainer Troy Love. Cynthia and her colleague, Shane will be assisting Troy in this in-depth, deep dive into healing relational bonds. Offered online over 10 weeks, you will receive 20 hours of live training as well as access to online training videos and worksheets created by Troy Love. If you want to learn more, contact info@cynthiacounseling.com.
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